Memory, Blog: The Unsolved Mysteries Book Cover

Since I know you've been waiting on baited breath for this, let's get nuts and dig even deeper into my sleep-shattering fear of those junky alien TV shows from yesteryear. This next one is a doozy (do the kids still say doozy?).

I don't know where I got the gumption (do the kids still say gumption? damnit...) but one night I decided it was a great idea to try and watch an episode of Unsolved Mysteries. I had an idea of what I was getting into - everyone was talking about the show - but I had no clue just how much of an effect it would have on me personally to this day.

Perhaps you can solve a mystery...

I'm still not sure how I made it through Robert Stack's introduction or the theme music (likely judicious use of hiding under the blankets), but I can still remember the content of the episode like it was yesterday. Much like with E.T. several years before, I think my pulse dropped to zero, like I was in some kind of TV-induced hibernation. I stared at the set in rapt fear.

Although I was initially creeped out, it wasn't until Robert Stack presented the story of Bob Matthews that things really went south. Matthews was in the United States Air Force and in 1966, while en route to a posting in Massachusetts, was dropped off at a local market at night. He called the base for someone to come pick him up when he realized he was in the middle of nowhere. It's at this time that he claims he saw a strange ship flying through the night sky. When his ride came to get him he was totally AWOL, before calling back hours later asking where his ride was. Matthews claims that he experienced missing time and later, through hypnosis, recalled that the ship he saw in the night sky touched down outside the market and that he was abducted by the beings inside.

Trrrrrraumatized!

This story on its own was enough to raise my hackles, but it was during this clip that I was disturbed even further than seeing Elliot's squat little alien buddy with the glowy fingers (I'm not gonna drop it, ET's still creepy). As Matthews recounted his story, he spoke about finding a paperback book at a supermarket aisle by author Budd Hopkins called Missing Time. In the clip on Unsolved Mysteries the book he actually picks up is entitled Intruders. Here's a close-up:

From the moment I saw this clip my greatest fears had a new visage. Whatever creature this was on the cover of this book would haunt me for years and years to come, but also drive me to face those fears and watch any and all paranormal films and TV programs I could lock my eyeballs onto.

What's interesting is that I always considered Unsolved Mysteries to be a show about the paranormal, but as I've been re-watching it recently on Amazon Prime (I've recently discovered it's on YouTube, as well) I've realized that it rarely featured segments about the topics of aliens or UFOs, and usually with a few derisive words from Robert Stack, who seemingly didn't want to report on it at all. The show was mostly about true crime and helping people find their long-lost loved ones, with a smattering of ghost stories or aliens here and there for us weirdos.

All it took was this one episode, however, and I was forever changed. The thing is, I was bound to see the image of the "grey" alien at some point. It's ubiquitous in our culture now, much like the Bela Lugosi-inspired vampire or a bed sheet ghost. I kind of believe that no matter where I first saw it that those huge black eyes and enormous great skull would have the same affect, but it certainly didn't hurt that I saw it while watching Unsolved Mysteries in my parent's basement with no lights on that sealed the deal.

As an adult, I want to say that I'm mostly over it, but if I'm being honest grey aliens still give me the heebie-jeebies (do the kids... ah, nevermind) I remember when the found footage film The Fourth Kind came out back in 2009 I was immediately engaged and wanted to see the movie, but the only way I could bring myself to watch it alone in my apartment was in the middle of the day with all the lights on. As it turns out, it wasn't so bad, but those scenes with the owl eyes? Uuuuugh.

I'll try and summon up the courage to write another one of these soon, but from now on I don't think this will be a chronological account. I'll just jump back and forth to different shows and films on the subject. Ya know, for the whole one of you that actually reads this stuff! (Thank you by the way, you're the best!)

Cheers,

R

VHyesterdayS Trailers: The Films That Time Forgot

A while back I decided to kick off the VHyesterdayS series with a tape that kept calling my name, Communion. I had fun watching the movie again, even if I was petrified, but do you know what really stuck with me? The trailers at the start of the tape! I'm a guy that watches and is aware of a lot of films, but I hadn't heard of a single one of the movies featured in these trailers!

It got me thinking about all the films that were direct-to-video or had a very short life span in the theatre and have been left to rot, considered too weak to eke even the smallest profit. These movies may have had a limited VHS release and aren't likely to hit DVD, Blu-ray, or even a streaming service.

So here are three of those "lost films" and because I'm so lazy, it's actually the exact three that were featured on my M.C.E.G./Virgin release of Communion from 1989!

Limit Up

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Limit Up is a comedy film starring Nancy Allen, Dean Stockwell, Danitra Vance, and Ray Charles. It was written (co-written with Luana Anders) and directed by Richard Martini. From what I can tell the film had a premiere in Chicago - where it is prominently set - in 1989 before being released direct-to-video in 1990.

The film follows Nancy Allen's character, Casey Falls, as she makes a deal with the Devil (portrayed by Danitra Vance of SNL fame) in order to make it big in soybean stocks. INB4 all those non-fat soy lattes!

Does it look like a by-the-numbers 80s comedy movie? Yes. Is that a problem. Absolutely not!

As is the case with all of the films I'll be featuring today I have not seen Limit Up, so I can't speak to it. A VHS copy would only cost around $6 CAD, but to have it shipped to My-Neck-of-the-Woods, Canada would be an additional $25 or so, so I haven't made the purchase. A quick search showed me that some individuals actually got their hands on a DVD copy of the film from Amazon, but my best deduction is that these were VHS ripped copies that were illegally distributed through the platform and are no longer available. I can't find any information that the film saw anything outside of its original VHS release.

That said, it appears that Limit Up is available on Amazon Prime Video in the US! It means I can't watch it in my region, but hopefully someday it'll be available in the Great White North and I'll be able to give this movie a watch. It looks like a fun little comedy/fantasy that I'd definitely like to check out.

Trust Me

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Next up is Trust Me, starring Adam Ant, David Packer, and Talia Balsam. It was written and directed by Robert Houston, who is probably best known for this role of Bobby in The Hills Have Eyes. 

It's a crime movie in which Adam Ant's character, James Callendar, may or may not kill off Sam Brown (David Packer) in order to make his art more salable in the cutthroat art market. It could be a fun comedy romp based on the music and visual cues of the trailer or it could be a straight-forward drama. The trailer is so bad I can't even tell. I somehow gleaned as much as I did amidst the sea of shoulder-padded blazers and neon colours.

This is certainly not a movie I'd like to see, but you can score a VHS copy of the film from $7 to $10 CAD, plus shipping and handling. I couldn't find any streaming services that carry Trust Me, but I did find the entire film uploaded to YouTube, if you're so inclined!

Queen of Hearts

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Queen of Hearts is a feel-good drama directed by Jon Amiel, starring Vittorio Duse, Joseph Long, and Anita Zagaria.

It was the first film directed by Jon Amiel, who worked in TV for the BBC for several years prior. He would go on to have a solid career in Hollywood with films like Sombersby, The Man Who Knew Too Little, Entrapment, and The Core, as well as successful TV shows like The Borgias.

This is more of a teaser than a trailer, with a run-time of about a minute, so it's difficult to get more than the feel of the movie from it, but it is about a family of Italians who live a whimsical life running a café in London.

Look at that title card! It stands out like a sore thumb. It looks like it was created by a local TV station or something. I sure hope it didn't make it into the final cut of the film.

Queen of Hearts is another movie I won't seek out personally, but not for the same reasons as Trust Me. The teaser coupled with the accolades of the director speak to the film being just fine, but it doesn't look like my cup o' tea. That said, you can find a VHS copy of the film at auction for around $13 CAD plus, I'm sure, some hefty shipping and handling on top.

Or just skip that and get the DVD! That's right, MGM owns distribution rights of the film and a DVD can be purchased through Turner Classic Movies for around $30 CAD. Sorry, from what I can tell, there are no streaming options available.

So that's it! I have to say, I was surprised to find that Limit Up was available for streaming and that Queen of Hearts actually landed a limited and expensive DVD release. For that reason it's hard to call them "lost", but I think they still remain films you likely never even heard of regardless of their availability.

I hope you enjoyed this (probably) boring trip through the films that time forgot and if you actually read the whole thing... I have nothing for you, but regret!

Cheers,
R

Memory, Blog: Those Creepy Alien Shows

For one reason or another throughout my life I've found myself drawn to TV shows and films about the paranormal and I'm not talking about those reality shows, like Ghost Hunters. Specifically, for me, it is anything to do with aliens and UFOs. It's a contributing reason for my obsession with The X-Files, but it goes much deeper than that.

I want to preface this by saying that I don't believe in aliens. I don't think there's some grand conspiracy that a group of intergalactic beings from another planet/dimension/reality/whatever are visiting earth in ships, abducting people for experimentation, and screwing around with livestock.

I think my fascination with the subject is three-fold.

One reason is that I'm captivated with the idea that there are people out there that whole-heartedly believe in it all. And I don't mean this as a condescension, like, "How could someone believe in this crap!?" It's more akin to wanting to understand why they believe what they believe. It's probably like a secular philosopher trying to better understand religion.

The second reason is that I find alien and UFO stories to be like the ghost stories of our generation. We live in a world driven by science, so of course our fireside stories are that of science fiction. It kind of just makes sense.

The third and most major reason is that the idea of aliens scares the ever-loving shit out of me.

I have zero context to offer you as to why, but when I was really little I had nightmares that the Martians from Sesame Street were going to take me from my bed at night. I had to be the only kid on the planet petrified of Muppets.

They're still creepy.

This fear was exacerbated one fateful day by my unwitting mother who picked up a new video for me to watch: E.T.: The Extraterrestrial. And why woudn't she? It was an international family-friendly hit! As soon as I saw E.T. for the first time, plodding around the forest with his freaky glowing heart, I was instantly traumatized. I can't recall so much as breathing throughout the rest of the viewing, but I somehow survived it. I had a new face for my fear and it was the dough-eyed alien that every other kid at school had on their bed sheets.

See, it's petrifying!

Considering I was so afraid of the subject I have no idea why, but I would try and watch anything that featured aliens, which in the late-80s and early-90s was no problem. The paranormal was a hot topic and one could simply flip to any channel on a Friday night and find a program featuring unexplained phenomena.

The result was a fascination with those hokey paranormal TV shows that used to cover the pages of the TV Guide. For me, it all started in the early 90s when A&E began airing re-runs of In Search Of..., which was one of my favourite TV shows ever. The ideas and topics were so interesting and they would often feature the crazy stories of aliens or UFOs that I was craving, but presented in a way that wasn't all that scary.

Okay, that's BS, I was still scared to death, but I could make it through an episode, so long as all the lights were on. I think this is why I found the courage one night to watch a relatively new show called Unsolved Mysteries, which although it wasn't strictly a paranormal show had the occasional alien/UFO-related topics. In fact, it was an episode of Unsolved Mysteries that spurred on my fear in a big way, but we'll feature that story another time.

There were all sorts of paranormal shows that cropped up in the wake of Unsolved Mysteries, like Sightings and Encounters, both of which tried to employ the trappings of a real news magazine show to make the topics at hand seem that much more credible. And lets not forget the myriad of one-off specials, like Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction or Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County.

My obsession continues to this day, so this is just the beginning for this topic on the site. I already have some related posts in the works, but I thought it made sense that I outline my fear and fascination with aliens and UFOs in films and television before we really begin to scan these starry skis... I mean skies.

Cheers,

R

Theatrical Cut - Captain Marvel

Have you had enough of all the controversy surrounding the release of Marvel's latest film, Captain Marvel? Well, Cole and I took in a viewing and here we are talking about the film without any of the BS!

I feel a little remiss not saying anything regarding the controversy surrounding the film, so what I'll say is that this is a really fun action, comic book film. If you've been reading Marvel Comics as long as I have, you might even find Captain Marvel to be the most "comic-y" (I'll call Encyclopedia Britannica and have the word added, post-haste) of the MCU films to date.

There's all sorts of anti-feminist vitriol and conspiracy regarding Rotten Tomatoes review scores and the belief that Disney has been pushing this film a little bit extra, because it's bad and they secretly want to trick you into seeing it.

This is an MCU film; they sell on name alone. They make bonkers money, no matter what. The Disney Stonecutters don't need some wild agenda to get you into the theatre to see Captain Marvel. It's a good movie that stands on its own two legs just fine and it is worth your time to see it, especially if you're going to see Avengers: Endgame in a few weeks.

Disney has been brokering deals with theatres for a long time when they are releasing their films. They have the hot movies and they know it, so they can "ask" certain things of theatres that want to screen them, like early "VIP" showings the night before release or a certain proportion of screens dedicated to their films, and get away with it. They did the same thing with Star Wars: The Last Jedi in 2017, which caused a big media buzz, as well. This isn't something special they've cooked up for Captain Marvel out of some crazy feminist conspiracy.

If you're looking for a fun two hours, turn your brain off, log off of social media, and settle into Captain Marvel. Cole and I found it really enjoyable and there's setup there for Avengers: Endgame hitting the silver screen on April 26th!

Make Mine Marvel,

R

VHyesterdayS - Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Here's some more VHS love to spice up your Friday!

As promised, in this edition of VHyesterdayS we'll be chatting about what I'm pretty sure is a 1992 release of Terminator 2 by Carolco and Live Entertainment.

I mention a Subway commercial that appears at the start of the tape, in lieu of any teasers for other films. I said in the video that it was a franchisee commercial, but I just got my thoughts jumbled. It's a regular old Subway ad from the early 90s. I wrote my notes over a month ago, wrote down that the actor looked like a franchisee, got it all mixed up when I was recording, and since this is my second time in the last few weeks re-doing this video, I'm not fixing it!

Welcome to the wonderful world of un-professional, just doing it for the kicks, content creation, folks!

Here's the ad:

As always, I hope you get something out of my obsession with old VHS tapes!

Cheers,
R

EDIT: It appears that Lionsgate feels that my video somehow infringed on their copyright for Terminator 2 and even after disputing with YouTube my video has been disabled. I don't see me having time in the near future to re-record the video to avoid copyright infringement (I played the trailer for the movie in the background without audio, if you're wondering) so for now, unfortunately, this video is dust. If I can upload a revised version in the near future, I'll make sure to update this post and make an announcement on my Twitter feed!

EDIT2: I've moved the video to DailyMotion. Have a watch!